To each their own.
My baby is formula-fed. I was willing to breastfeed and was very excited when I was pregnant with Lila. I bought nursing bras, breast pads and breastfeeding clothes. I took supplements to increase my milk supply before I gave birth. My husband was very supportive of my decision to breastfeed. We plan to continue even when I get back to work so he bought me an electric pump. He also bought some nipple creams for me. I heard stories of pain and challenges a breastfeeding mom goes through and I was all for it.
When she was born, she was put on my chest (roughly 2 minutes) for our skin to skin contact. It was the best feeling and I can’t wait for us to bond like that again over feeding time. She was then transferred to the nursery room for some tests. The doctors did not try to have her latch onto me I’m not sure why. Soon after my husband was asked to buy formula. After 24 hours, I got to visit her in the nursery room so I tried to feed her. She didn’t latch. She just wouldn’t. She just kept on crying. Whenever I visited her, I would try but to no avail. We then decided to express the colostrum and feed it to her. I was really frustrated thinking I was a bad mom. They reassured me she will eventually latch as long as I keep on trying.
When she was brought to our hospital room, I tried to feed her many times but she just wouldn’t latch. She was always hungry so I would express milk from my breasts and give it to her. Whenever she asked for milk, I would try to feed her with my breasts but the crying doesn’t stop so we would give her formula while I was pumping for breastmilk. I figured maybe we can mixed-feed her until she learns to latch.
We got back home very hopeful. My mother made me soup with lots of malunggay. Every meal, she would prepare a soup just for me. I don’t have a problem with supply I even had engorged breasts. I continued to take Natalac (supplement). A lot of people advised me to have the baby latch because pumping will eventually stop my milk supply. Our body knows it is not the baby asking for milk. I tried and tried only to end up with a hungry and crying baby every single time. It was frustrating. It was a good thing my husband was very helpful. He would wash the pump, help me express milk, massaged and put compress when my breasts are painful from engorgement (Thank you Langga 
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)After a week, Husband’s work leave ended so he had to go back to Dubai. My parents also left for our home in Zamboanga. I tried to wash my baby’s clothes which was a wrong decision. I suffered from relapse (bughat/binat). After that my breast milk ran dry. Natalac and malunggay soup did not work their magic anymore. It was depressing. I felt like I’m such a failure.
Why am I posting this? For people to stop bottle shaming. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone. Believe me I still long for that bonding time I anticipated. I feel sad whenever I see stuff my husband and I purchased that can’t be used anymore (I already sold the pump and gave away the nipple cream). For many months, I couldn’t post a picture of my baby bottle feeding in the fear of being judged. It should not be like that! Mothers shouldn’t be ashamed or have to explain why they aren’t breastfeeding. The important thing is that your baby isn’t starved! Do I still feel guilty? Yes, occasionally. But I figured I shouldn’t beat myself up. I did what I could and it did not work and it’s okay. As long as my baby is fed. I support breastfeeding (trust me, I even made a jingle about it sa HS 
), but can we stop judging and shaming moms who can’t? Please.
), but can we stop judging and shaming moms who can’t? Please.Here’s a picture of my baby. I may not be able to give her liquid gold but everyday I try to be the best mom she could ever have 
The Girl 